The biggest lesson I’ve learned from my conversations with people who are in menopause or beyond is this: their ability to navigate their experiences was determined not so much by the symptoms and emotions they were dealing with, but by how resourceful they were. Resources here do not mean they had money, although that is helpful; it’s about having a network of people in your life who help you feel connected and supported through the ups and downs—people who are willing to be there for you, even if they don’t understand what you’re going through.

It is the partner who hears that you are not feeling the sexiest. Instead of insisting that you are, they tell you that while this is their experience of you, they can imagine how terrifying it would be to see yourself that way. They ask what they can do to support you. It’s the group of friends you have a weekly happy hour with, who hear you’re taking a break from alcohol, and will do a bit of work to find bars and restaurants with great mocktails, making sure you have a selection that’s more satisfying than a fizzy one water. It’s the doctor who makes you feel supported in subtle ways, like when they talk about your treatment options: “We’re going to figure out how to relieve your symptoms a little bit. Let me just run through what I heard as you described what was going on so we know we’re not missing anything.”