Insecurity in a relationship: what it means, signs and causes
If you’re dating someone who you think has insecurities in the relationship, Manley recommends trying to figure out exactly where those issues are coming from. Do they stem from their personal insecurities? Or is your partner insecure because your behavior makes them doubt your feelings?
“In some cases, the combination of unresolved issues and bad partner behavior fuels insecurity,” notes Manley.
Gently start a conversation with your partner about what’s going on with him, where his insecurities come from, and what specific behavior on your part might make him feel insecure. Come in with curiosity and warmth so they know they can safely share these vulnerabilities with you without fear of judgment or rejection.
You may find that some of your behaviors are triggers for your partner that you can eliminate, correct, or offer care to your partner to help them deal with discomfort when it occurs.
Also, remember that while you may seem like you’re making it clear how much you love and care for your partner, their insecurities make it hard for them to truly take your reassurances. Be patient and empathetic with them as they try to build a more secure attachment with you. Continue to affirm them and demonstrate that they can trust you by being consistent, keeping your word, and being considerate of their feelings. At the same time, encourage your partner to look inward, which can prevent them from truly feeling safe and trusting you when you say you’re there for them.
“Regardless of the cause of insecurity issues, both individual and couples therapy can work wonders in addressing the underlying causes of insecurity,” adds Manley.