While learning how to change your attachment style may take time and effort, it’s not impossible, and your relationship will thank you for it. As Paige explains, the biggest thing you can do to get started is develop relationships with people you can truly trust, and focus on the inner work of connecting to your own needs (and learning to voice them slowly but surely).

Mindfulness is always required in the pursuit of personal growth of any kind. After all, you can’t unlearn patterns if you don’t notice them in the first place.

To that end, Massachusetts-based marriage counselor Linda Carroll previously wrote for mindbodygreen, “The practice of mindfulness is essential to any change. In relationships, moving from being reactive to being responsive can lift us out of our early attachment patterns and into a healthier, more secure style. “

As you begin to notice when your avoidant tendencies appear, you can work on correcting your behavior. Paige adds that working with a therapist you can trust is not only a good way to open up to another person, but also to learn to tap into your own suppressed needs and feelings.

“I can’t overstate how important it is to find people who value you and trust you, and how much more important that is than just trying to do it on your own,” Paige tells mindbodygreen, adding, “Psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually.” “pick yourself up” will never work, because we are, first and foremost, interdependent teams.

Finally, he says, avoidants must learn not to be ashamed of their needs and even to acknowledge, honor, and defend them. To that end, he says, “The distance you keep from your own heart is the same distance you keep from your intimate relationships,” and when you’re connected to the desires in your own heart, “you’re going to be able to perceive it in your intimate relationships”.

It’s also important to note that these attachment styles exist on a spectrum, and according to Page, few of us are 100% secure. If residual avoidance tendencies persist, it’s not the end of the world, especially if you’ve communicated your feelings to your partner. Paige tells mindbodygreen that a reliable and trustworthy partner who understands your need for space and independence can help you open up more.